A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.
~ Maya Angelou

For last 3 years I’ve worked with Western Medicine, Eastern Medicine, and Energy Medicine, focusing on healing as much as I can in this lifetime, my physical body, mental/emotional body and spiritual.

I participated in a Tai Ji workshop at Harmony Hill Retreat Center in 2011. Tai Ji became my spiritual practice until I met a Dr. Khanna in 2015 at the Chinese Lunar New Year Seminar, at Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA where she invited me to attend her Medical QiGong practice on Wednesday nights from 5:30 – 7:00 pm in the beautiful Chinese Movement and Healing Arts Center, 606 Columbia near Legion Way in downtown Olympia. This class fed my soul and the more I practiced the more I noticed the energy shifting and changing in and around me.

In 2015 I was experiencing quite a bit of pain from an non-cancerous nerve sheath tumor. Sitting for any amount of time was a problem. Dr. Khanna suggested I attend a free cancer clinic hosted by her instructor Wendy Lang,  www.emptymountain.com. I shared with her my cancer was stable and she informed me they worked with non-cancerous tumors. I signed up for the clinic, my pain level was at an 8 on a scale of 1-10. I felt the energy shifting in my body during treatment at the clinic and my pain stayed the same. I was given homework a moving meditation. I was encouraged to stand in front of a tree and connect with the trees energy 2 times a day while practicing the Small Heaven Orbit Meditation.

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Two days later I was pain free and I signed up to take Wendy’s 3 year program.

Medical QiGong resonated with me from day one. The studying was difficult ( I had a difficult time retaining what I read) however, the classroom work was experiential, I was so enthusiastic because I was learning the way I was meant to learn by experiencing. I was able to dig deeper into my family of origin issues, discover why I was so sensitive and reactive. I discovered I was an empath, and at a very young age I started taking on family members stuffed emotions. I also discovered I learned too suppress my emotions and focus on others. It was easier for me to focus on other’s emotions, it’s difficult work taking responsibilty for my own. I continue to be a work in progress.

I graduated from the Medical QiGong Practitioner program, the Therapist program and ended up receiving my Masters in Medical QiGong. I studied Traditional Chinese Medicine with Dr. Mee Lain Ling a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor. My Medical Qigong family became my second family. Wendy and Dr. Mee Lain Ling have this amazing gift to be able to accept people right where they’re at providing a safe container, encouraging us to explore and go deeper, remain open and take responsibility for our own healing.

The Master’s level was the most difficult for me with a focus on oncology. In Traditional Chinese Medicine suppressed emotions equal blocked energy or Qi in the body. Blocked energy can cause disease. I learned Western Medicine’s treatment for cancer does not get to the root of disease the focus is treating the symptoms. I learned my cancer treatments actually caused damage to my body and energy. I also learned my addiction to sugar and my diet in general caused blocked energy in my body. Care giving parents with cancer also took it’s toll on my body, mind and spirit. https://www.verywellmind.com/emotions-in-traditional-chinese-medicine-88196

I actually left Western Medicine for a while, I took a break and focused on the meditations and tools I learned in Medical QiGong class. My tumor markers went way down. I felt healthier than I’d ever felt before. 

One day I broke a rib opening a jar lid, I was only comfortable flat on my back on the floor. I had a second rib break and I chose to reconnect with my oncologist and have some scans done. I combined Eastern and Western medicine, chosing to try the newest medication out there for breast cancer bone metastasis.

In April of 2018 I met with my oncologist Dr. Senecal. We went over my bone scans and CT scans confirming the newest current medication wasn’t working. Dr. Senecal suggested a clinical trial as Palliative care. I threw the question out there, “what’s the average amount of time this gives me”? He said “6 months”. I took a breath listened to my inner guidance and knew the most loving thing I do for myself. I chose Palliative care without a clinical trial.

I immediately connected with my Palliative care team and continued working with, Eastern Medicine, and Energy Medicine healing modalities, I added NET https://www.netmindbody.com/more-information/what-is-net and EMDR https://www.emdria.org/page/emdr_therapy  to my tool kit.

The Palliative care ARNP Fansje recommened I gather my family and friends toghether and ask for support. I have a handful of close friends most of them people I hike with. I asked for help with meals asked and shared with them how important it was for me to be able to connect with them. I’m so grateful for my Tribe of Friends. I feel nourished and nurtured. 

Bone pain became a problem. I had a large lession show up just below the head of my greater trochanter. I ended up having a metal rod and pins put in the full length of my femur. I opted to not do radiation. I shared my Medical QiGong journey with my Palliative care ARNP, I shared with her it might be time for me to switch from Palliative care to Hospice. She asked me to describe the difference. I shared with her I understood Hopice care was comfort care. She said your brain is good, and she suggested a I get a pain pump prior to enrolling in Hospice. I resisted getting a pain pump once I found out morphine would be the medication in the pain pump. I am hypersenstive to most drugs, especially opiates, they make me angry and then sick. I met with the pain pump doctor, exploring my options. Dr. Dhesi is a kind gentle soul, I wasn’t a number, he explained the pain pump would provide a very small dose of morphine .2000 mg per day directly to my spine and it would help with any bone pain connected to bones off the spine, bypassing the side effects to the brain which meant no personality change or getting sick. The pain pump would also see me through end of life. Witnessing others watching my pain was difficult. What it came down was this…..What was the most loving thing I could do for myself? I chose the pain pump, the week before surgery I couldn’t take anything but Tylenol for pain. I literally willed myself to die and I realized I wasn’t in charge and it wasn’t up to me. I was still here. The pain pump was a success and I felt immediate relief.

Two weeks later I ended up with some cramping in my calf and I made a trip to the Emergency room. I knew it was a blood clot even though no one at the emergency room staff believed me. Three days later I tried to get up from my couch and ended calling 911 for help my pain level was a 10+.  I ended up with a fracture at L1 on my spine. My Palliative care ARNP, the hospital social worker and best friend Kaylee who happens to be a paramedic got me enrolled in Hospice and I was transported to Hospice house  that night where they worked with me for 5 days stabilizing my pain. When it came down to it, it was the breathing I learned in Lamaze class that got me through the pain. I had my first experience with back labor. Hospice house was humbling, I was totally dependent on on others for my care. The staff was amazing at Hospice House. I am so grateful for their care.

Now I’m under Hospice Care at home. My daugter Liberty, my best friend Kaylee and my son have stayed with me. Last weekend was the first time I’ve had significant alone time. We’ve had Montana snow, I’ve been snowed in I haven’t been out of the house since Superbowl Sunday. I’m so grateful for my friends and families. I feel supported and Loved. I’m still here and I have no idea where this journey is going to take me………….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I came up with this word while having a conversation with my son, Mason. We both chuckled when I said it. It’s a combo of hope and opening.

Life is short, my journey authentic. I’m going to give this blog thing a go…..

itunes.apple.com/us/album/i-have-a-dream/284301051